i remember when i first got here. to california. i was something new. someone new. only heard and talked about. mythical. i think i lived up to that for a second. depending on what it was you were hearing. depending on what you were saying. time changes a lot of things. it is said that time heals all wounds but i don't really believe that. i think taking the time to heal helps heal all wounds. if you just spend the time hurting you won't heal. it is so hard to accept that. it is so much easier to just hurt. hurting doesn't take any effort. it just takes away your life.
i decided to return to this journal b/c i really don't think anyone ever uses this anymore. and this is where i started in california. since all is lost from b.c.
today is day one. i am quitting smoking. i am going to get back into shape. my body. my soul. my brain. my heart. its going to hurt. its going to suck. there will be a lot of crying and a lot of pain but in the end. i will be a better person. i want to be a better person.